I have had the roughest couple of days you can ever imagine possible. *sigh* It started just over a week ago. I was in my room, minding my own business, when along came my (soon to be) ex husband. He was looking to pick an argument. I on the other hand, was not going to give him that satisfaction, and "brushed" him off. Not happy with the outcome he then "turns" on my eldest son. To cut it short, they got into a fist fight, lots of swearing and scuffling and so forth. I called the police. Ex husband decides to call the police. The scene outside my house must have looked like a murder scene. Four police cars and a van. Ex husband opens the door to the police all calmly, then takes them too the kitchen. Meanwhile I am attending to my son and we are waiting back in my room. I have six police officers standing in my home.. two in the room with us.. two in the passage way and two in the kitchen. One of the officers from the kitchen, comes to join us in my room and tells my son that they are not going to press charges on my ex, because my ex is claiming that my son started it. At this point I see red. I calmly get up, walk pass the first three officers and get stopped by one at the kitchen door. At this point I shout out my ex husband's name, to get his attention.. he comes too the kitchen door and starts yelling at me.. (things I cant remember, but get my already flaring temper higher)I yell back and immediatly the police officer tells me to stop shouting.. well again too cut it short I ended up telling the police man what I thought of him.. and promptly got arrested for breach of the peace and assulting a police officer. Now I'm officially a criminal =( I spent that whole day in a police cell. Not an experience I wish to tell any grandkids I might have one day. The outcome..I had to see my solicitor and get an emergency injunction served. It was served last week. We return back to court next week. Meantime I got myself a fine to pay to the police officer I apparently "assulted". My big brother came down to stay too keep the peace for a few days, though I insisted he wasn't needed, he went home this evening.. and now I'm waiting to see what response I am going too get from the ex when he comes back. Why is this divorce taking so long anyway? =(
The nights are drawing in quicker.. it's cold when you end up falling into bed.. and flipping freezing in the morning when you get up.. the bit's in between are just cold 'cause there's no-one to snuggle into, or pinch the spot that they have warmed up. My mother brought me a hot water bottle to combat the coldness.. how are you going to "keep warm" without that other body there to warm "the spot"? ^_~
I ask this because I have had a really exhausting day. So I log in and come to read the blogs, I also thought that I would sneak a peek at who was chatting.. and I find that there are a few people in there. But then I remember that I cannot start conversations as I have no "star"..So this leads me to my question! Beacause I suddenly find myself wanting an urge to scream "Talk to me" at the monitor!!!!!
Well this is just an update on what is going on for me right now. I have had a couple of people ask how things in general are, so here goes. The kids are out for summer, so that has kept me busy enough to take my mind of other stuff going on around me right now. I have had the court papers, re: my divorce returned to me. Seems my solicitor missed out a detail about one of my children, that the courst deemed important, the thing was I missed it also! So that at the moment is taking longer than it should be. Day to day wise: Well I take each day as it comes I guess. I started talking to someone from this site. I thought that we were striking up a nice friendship when he seemed to disappear! Hope everyone out there is well and everything is going well for all. take care for now WantingH
That is the question I am now asking myself. I am wondering if I try to hard, or just don't try enough. Let me tell you a story.
I met and fell madly in love with a guy a couple of years ago. It was an online affair. He was newly married, so I had alot of guilt to deal with. He persisted and we became slightly more than just an item. The only thing that ever stopped us progressing, was me. I did'nt want to be the cause of a marriage break-up, and so I constantly battled him and pushed him away. When he finally had enough, we became close friends. To this day we are still very close. Determined not to get involved with anyone on that level again, online, I decided in my infinate wisdom to become "choosy" and join this site. But seems things never turn out the way you wish them to. I have been playing an online game for a couple of years now. It seems that one guy really took a shine to me. He pursued me, and I turned him down.. on more than one occasion. October last year I agreed to become his "internet companion", and things were great. We were having fun, confiding in each other and just generally "hanging out". Until a spanner got thrown in the works. Isn't that always the way? The "spanner" though was in the form of an "ex". And she had her claws out. Needless to say, I ended up getting a "lets go back to being friends, it isn't you it's me" talk. I am left thinking that no man will ever be able to "tame" me. When the ex started her "biting" on me.. I bit back just as hard. He felt like he was in the middle of it all. He actually said to me that he felt like it was a game of chess, and that it was at check mate. I like to think of myself as being strong. If something bothers me for long enough.. then I will act or say what I think, this has caused me to have a few enemies in the past, but I go by the "take me as you find me" title. I just think that men find this a little challenging, or stand offish. I don't want to "change" who I am. But I don't want to be forever wondering if I am responsible for chasing guys away before they have really got to know me. I don't want to be lonely forever.
I have not long had another birthday. I couldn't get to excited about it because I knew that I would be going into hospital 2 days after it. To add too my already seriously low ego, it was discovered that I had a blockage in my bowels. (Yeah I know.. lovely stuff.. I'm sorry)I was pratically rushed in a couple of weeks into hospital, before I had chance really to take it all in. I ended up having to have a gastric bypass. I have been told that people spend thousands on one too help them loose weight, and here I got one free because it was the only way that they could "undo" the massive damage that is inside my abdomen. I think that at this point I should explain why I have a "damaged" inside. I am the mother to 6 children, yes you read right 6 of them. I adore my kids. They were all born though, through C section. And as you can imagine, being sliced open in itself is not fun. There is a "story" to why I had so many children, but I think that I may save that for another day.. or if you see me online.. ask!!! So this is post op day 6. I am only allowed to take liquids at the moment.. totally not fun.. and the liquid form of morphine, tastes like that nasty cough syrup stuff my mother used to give me. I wake up in a fair amount of pain.. but hey, life has to go on.. My kiddies still need to go too school.. I am lucky, I have a helper with me at the moment so life isn't difficult, but it has caused me to wonder what will happen when she leaves next week. I have yet to manage my way to the courthouse and swear on the papers. I really wanted to have that done before I went into hospital..it is amazing how much you find to do in the run up too an "event"..so it has to wait another day.. I am sitting here looking at my dressings. I really hate the fact that I have a line going across my stomach now. 5 "nice" little holes the surgeon called them!! I had it done through keyhole surgery so it wont be a big scar, but there will be some marks there..bah My eldest child marked an important stage in his life, and I couldn't even be there to see it. That broke my heart some..though he assures me that he totally understands why I couldn't be there. Dosn't make it easier to accept though does it? Anyway I have rambled on enough.. and I really need to lie down. Take care all. =)
Ok we are in April now. I had a 'phone call from the solicitors that the final draft is on the way too the court-house. I appreciate everyone's comment's on my other post, but I think I failed to add that I was lonely even WHEN I was married. He was never really the attentive type..but life went on. I am on the path to self discovery now. It is diffcult though. We lived apart, though in the same house for a good few years. That alone has made it easier to sit back and look at what happened from a different perspective. Yes it take's two. This is something I have always known. Unfortunatly my "estranged" missed that memo. So now here I sit, grabbing a cup of tea while the kids eat dinner, and wonder where life will be leading me next? Guess only time will tell.
Playing mummy takes alot of my time. But it never stops me from wanting an adult cuddle, or just simply adult company. I try not to let it get me down, though sometimes it does. Being a big girl makes me feel concious of myself. This in turn makes me want to hide away. I am constantly fighting that state of boredom. And when the kids then go to bed, I tend to do the same.
I am going through a divorce, so my ego is at the lowest that it can possible be at right now. That dosn't stop me wanting that someone to cheer me up, and I have not given up the hope that some day I to will have a knight on a white horse.
I have alot of love that I want to give too the right person, and I simply ask in exchange that he looks after me the way that he know's is right.
So why am I typing this? Just need to unload I guess. My own thought's tend to drive me crazy at times.
