Hello fellow BBW's and BHM. Today I would like to get a blog going about dating sites in general, honesty in the dating game and fulfilling your relationship goals.
My experience is I meet men who say they are interested in me or getting to know me, but then they will not make the time to talk to me or visit me. I will change my schedule, cut myself short of sleep and make a sincere effort to get to know someone. If men want love why do they close the door when it's right in front of them ?
It was communicated to me in not so many words that every man I have ever had and have in my life that I consider a friend is not truly my friend. These men have hidden agendas - married or in a relationship - and would jump at the chance to have sex with me if I turned my back one day and my drawers accidentally dropped right to the floor! For some, I was told it is merely a waiting game. They will play the part of friend until one day an opportunity to get it comes fourth.
I personally have mainly had male friends since I was just a little kid. I just got along with men better, I dig their humor and candidness and loved to hang with them. We could talk about anything..sex, the girls they liked, cars, life...etc. I had a harder time establishing genuine bonds with women because so many were mean or selfish and there was a lot of games, backstabbing and drama.
So I was then informed that because of this secret agenda that men have, when people are boyfriend and girlfriend that both of them should not have friends of the opposite sex.
So, for the ladies..Do you have male friends and if so can you trust that they are REALLY just friends? If given the chance, would they want more with you? If you asked your male friend if he would get with you if given the chance and he said yes..could YOU still be comfortable being friends knowing this?
For the men...Do you agree with this?
For both..If you are involved with someone to any romantic degree is it ok to have friends of the opposite sex?.
This message comes with a warm hello and a big hug to all. I have been away for a while, sorting through things, facing realities and accepting my life for what it is.
I would also like to welcome the new members of the blog to our circle of friends. The blog page has entertained many topics that have proven spiritually uplifting, theraputic and inspirational to all. You are now one with some of the most caring, thoughtful, intelligent and special people I have ever had the pleasure of interacting with.
The purpose of this blog today is to share with you some of my experiences and extend hope to those that may being currently weathering the storm and feeling alone, hurt, rejected, unloved, lonley, insignifigant, used, or abandoned...Especially at this time of year and the memories and feelings that surface during the holidays.
Please feel free to search my user name and review some of my older blogs from when I first joined the site and was working though a lot of questions and feelings. The response was overwhelming and it was through this forum that I realized, I was not truly alone and someone did care.
I am 32 years old, never married and no kids. I live alone with my 2 cats and my life consists of a repitiscious robotic like monotony as I bouce between work, home and little else. One of my many dreams I had as a kid was just to grow up,get married to a man that I could love unconditionally and shower with all the love, attention and appreciation I can for life and together we would build a family and be happy. Doesn't seem to far fetched does it ? Well, for some reason that has been an unatainable goal for me. I tend to meet men that are flakes, jaded from past relationships or noncommital. I make it a point to tell a person upfront the level of realtionship I am looking for and I even present an approxiamte timeframe to weed out the men who just want to date forever or are not interested in a serious relationship. However, they always tend to find me and fly under the radar and leave me with nothing but wasted years and a broken heart. My favorites are the ones who say they want what I want at first and then later, after I am invested in them "change their minds".
I decided to try online dating in May of this year. I signed up for about 5 sites including this one. I chatted with some and met a few others. I then got to the point where I became discouraged and lost interest in even looking for anyone. At times I looked inward and said " What is wrong with me? Am I dumb, hideous or unworthy of receiving a genuine partner? Am I meant to be alone?" Needless to say, I withdrew, became introverted and was absorbed in thought.
I have learned a few things that I would like to pass on to you. First off, you cannot offer another person 100% of who you truly are and all you have to offer if you are not happy with yourself. You have to get to the point where you are comfortable being single and you can be at peace with your own company.If you do not love yourself of feel that you are worthy of being loved then how can another?
Secondly, a relationship/partner should be viewed as a compliment to you life. Not your life. You had a life before you met him or her, and even as 1 unit you will alway have your individuality and be of your own mind. We can go for the rest of our lives alone, but the fact that there is something missing is obvious. Love is the missing piece, but it is only ONE piece of the total puzzle, which is you.
Third,if you are lonely and bored and have too much time on your hands to think about what you do not have then you need to pick up some hobbies. Embrace this time as an opportunity to go new places, try new things, get lost in the little things that in the past you were too busy to do. There are times whe I am low on cash, or don't have a car and I go through my closet and try on different clothes and play dress up. The point is I find ways to fill my time and I have fun.I also like to write poetry and that has proven a great outlet for my feelings.
Fourth, attitude is everything. Focus on the positive, highlight the things in your life that ARE going right. When you address the bad things look at it from a different angle, such as putting together a plan to get to a better place. Then you you can feel glad knowing that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Convince yourself that you CAN do this, you WILL do this it is only a matter of time and you will get there.
Lastly, I also realized that patience and hope is key. Would you rather be alone for a year or 2 and then the person you meet is the greatest thing that has happened to you and he/she is that missing piece to make you whole and be the love of your life ? or would you rather have many dates/relationships or interactions within those 2 years that have only led to nothing but wasted time, heartbreak, frustration and regrets ? I found that a good, loving, genuine, quality mate IS out there but they are few and far between. Thus it will take time to find that special person. So, knowing that do not be discouraged or lose hope. You deserve the best, and it is definitely worth waiting for. You will someday look back on these times and smile. If you could know now what will happen in the future, you could relax and make much better use of your time. Well, I am in a sense from the future, I have been there and I am back to tell you the best is yet to come....
I went to party this past weekend with a girl friend of mine. We were approached by a " swinger " couple.
Have you ever had a 3 some or orgie ?
If so, was it as erotic and as pleasurable as you had imagined it to be ?
Were there any jealousy issues ?
Did you select a stranger or a neutral friend ?
Most men seem to regard the menage a trois as a fantasy on a pedestal. Can a man ever really be content with having just one woman once he has had the opportunity to have a few at once ?
Ladies, have you fantasized about 2 men and you ? Have you made it a reality ? If so...Do tell ! What was it like ?
I have thought about it but finding 2 men that are comfortable being so close to one another is difficult ! LOL !
Have you ever met a guy that you thought was pretty straight laced only to later discover he had a weird fetish ?
Have you ever come home to find you man dressed in your lingere ?
Have you ever been woken up to your man rubbing your foot all over his face ?
Come on ladies, I know you've seen some interesting things !
I'll share a few. In 11th grade, I was still a virgin and all the kids my age did was make out. So I got with this guy and we were at his house making out on the couch. Everything was cool until his hands were on my lower back and I though he was just going to feel up my butt, however he didn't - he pulled my underwear up out of my pants and gave me a wedgie/murphy like you'd never believe. He was not trying to be a joker or rip my drawers off..he was just being freaky ! Needless to say that runied the mood and I left and never returned.
I met a guy once at a bar that told me he had duct tape wraped around certain areas of his body like a strip around his calf, a strip on one of his butt cheeks, a strip on his belly and he said that it turned him on to have a woman rip them off him....
I read in a magazine about a guy putting cream cheese on his (P) and coaxing his dog to come and lick it off. ( LOL ! )
and last but not least, I saw on Jerry Springer show a man that's turn on was to make love to stuffed animals ( He was called a Plushy ) Now, some say that show is fake, but I seriously believe that fetish exists !
You've met someone. Conversation is great, compatibility is evident and sparks have flown. However there are questions in your head that you might be afraid to blurt out - What are we ? Where are we going with this " thing " ? Should I stop looking and focus on you ?
I have met quite a few men who just want to take it as it comes and " go with the flow ". They do not want to put a time frame on love, marriage..FOREVER. However for women like myself we need answers. We are ok to wait months to meet a man or months for things to progress but in exchange we at least need to have some sort of acknowledgement of direction stated by the man. We need to feel like we are at the same emotional level with the man and are working toward a common goal.
It is hard to come right out and ask a new relationship if he wants to be exclusive with you or still flirt, date or consider others.
What do you think ? When is an appropriate time to talk about being exclusive ?
When engaged in internet dating is is wiser to not put all of your eggs into one basket and rather keep several options going for months until one of them steps up to the plate and makes a formal declaration ?
I would also like to hear from the people who are on their way to getting married and the folks who have met someone and might be at that point now or who have passed it.
I have seen and experienced what I refer to as the " Tug of War " in relationships.
Man pulls on rope to get the things he wants and needs. Woman falls easily and gives in to showering the man with attention, love, flexibility, time. The woman then pulls the rope to get back in return some of what she has given and the man has a tight grip on it and she cannot get it. Men have a problem making time, being attentive, acknowledging feelings and commitment.
Why ? I thought maybe those were just signs of a man who is not into a woman, but I am finding more and more men like this....
Why is it easy for women to give and fall so quickly but hard for men ?
No need to save this one for holiday inspiration...
My last blog was deleted for being too naughty. I am persistant so I shall try it again, just under different wrapping paper.
When I say (P) that stands for the male part. When I say (E) that stands for what the (P) does when it is happy..... : )
(E) Appreciation
For the ladies out there that are mad about a nice (P)!
If a man hugs you or is dancing up against you and then you feel and (E) - Would you be offended or turned on ? ( and yes I understand if it was like your grandpa that would totally creep you out, I'm talking a friend or someone you actually like )
Is bigger better ? Or is it really all about the " motion in the ocean " ?
Do you have any " tell-tales " you use to try to figure out how big/long a man's (P) is ? (Like how big his hands or feet are)
Do you prefer a " snipped " (P) or an unsnipped (P) ?
Do you " go downtown " on a man just to infulence him to do it to you ? Or do you actually derive pleasure from it ?
What do you think about " enhancement " products ? Do they work ? Would you want to be with a man who needed them in order to be (E) ?
What would you do if you took things slow, got to know a person, and waited months upon months to consumate and then you finally do and in that moment of truth his (P) is really small, ugly looking or he has (E) disfunction ! ( not all at once )Would you still stay with him ?
I think another benefit we can get from this site is not only to find friends, pen pals, and love but also someone who can be our partner and inspiration in our weight loss goals. Perhaps someone to help us stay motivated and inspired.
So, is anyone here working on a weight loss goal ? Or does anyone have motivational feedback to share in relation to their own weight struggles and accomplishments ?
Does anyone have any excercises that have greatly benefited you that you would like to share with us all ?
What do you think about being a friend with benefits ? Does it compromise your self respect ? Does it make you seam easy ? How do you know when you are just a friend with benefits ? - Is there a discussion that takes place to let you know you've made the grade physically but yet you're not good enough to be his Girlfriend ????!!!!
Does it really hold true BENEFITS ? There has to be more pleasure to being alive than just sex (I keep telling myself : ) ) Isn't there ?????
I come from an upbring where the woman was the head of the household in the sense that she " Ruled the Roost ". My grandma and mother were strong, dominant women and their husbands were more on the passive side. I came out totally different as I am the cat and like a man to be strong and dominant and lead me. I do for some reason attract passive men, though..LOL !
Are there any women here that are strong, confident and like to be in control ? If you are with a man who would like you to lead and initiate things are you into taking the wheel ?
Sexually speaking, do you like to be a bit rough ?
Ok, we talk a lot about love and the search for a substantial relationship on these blogs. However let's pull the shades down for a monent, slip into something more comfortable and open up to the secret desires that are erupting within us all.
I feel a bit comfortable around you folks to share a few intimate details about my life, such as I have been single for almost 2 years now. A large portion of that time was by choice as I needed to heal from my long term relationship break up. The rest of the time was me getting my mind and heart back online so that I could be 100% the person a person would like to be with.
So here is the discussion I spark - When engaging in the dance of getting to know a person you just met...How do you control the beast within that just wants to sexually obliverate your date ? How do you keep your hands off his sexy body and keep your drawers from falling off ? How do you play the non threatening role and leave a kiss at a kiss when you truly want to swallow them whole ?
How can you be good when deep down you want to be soooooo bad ?
Just wanted to thank you for enjoying my blogs or being stirred enough by them to push me to the gold for a week. I wasn't even looking at how many comments I got - I just really wanted all of your feedback.
So, if you are interested in what I have been doing, here is an update.
I sent off some " hello " emails to people that have winked at me or commented on my blogs. I went and sent like 15 emails to various ladies in the Las Vegas area to work on getting that super sexy BBW crew together. I also had a good time enjoying the extra things I can do being a member such as seeing who has viewed my profile. Isn't it interesting when someone views your profile but then doesn't take it beyond that? They must of read something that they felt wasn't compatable or something that turned them off.
I also think it is interesting when women look at me. Why are you looking at me ? I admit when I first got on I checked out the local ladies to see what the competition was..LOL ! There are so many gorgeous, kind and generous ladies on here. So the competition is stiff !
Anyway, I am sorry to just babble, I actually do have a topic question. There are certain profiles that do not appeal to me and I just pass them by without even clicking on them to find out about the person. I just wanted to get some feedback on what is a deal breaker right out the gate with you.
For example :
If a man does not have a photo, I am less likley to click on the profile to find out about him. Additionally a person's " introduction phrase " can also set the tone for me and possibly be a glimpse into what they are about..such as if they say " Looking for a Naughty BBW to make me their love slave " Well, then I know that guy is just looking for sex or cheap thrills or a mother figure..LOL !. Also if you do get beyond that and click on to see the profile and see that he has no preferences and doesn't say hardly anything about himself....then I question his level of seriousness.
Can I be so bold as to put Mr. Butterbll on front street ? I want to use him as an exapmle, so class pay attention - there will be a quiz in the morning ! His phrase is " Smile ...you will use more muscles that way " How can that not make you smile ? That is a prime example of a great phrase. Also his photo is appropriate and friendly. He is not all naked covered in oil snapping a shot in front of his PC in some dark creepy room that looks like his basement. So kudos to you !
What do you think ? I am sure there will be people that read this that will benefit greatly from this feedback because all of our goals is to make connections.....Right ? So help those good men and women out there to at least be in the running !
Sometimes we can confuse someone who is being " nice/friendly " with someone who likes us more than a friend. Also, with most everyone wanting to take it slow and start out as friends, how do you know if there is the level of click, spark and attraction that will eventually take you beyond friends ? I know when I like someone more than a friend, but how can I tell if he feels it too ? Back in the day it was more obvious....if he talked a lot, or touched your hand while talking, or walked close to you, or smiled a lot, or complemented you a lot. That would be easy indications that he's feeling me. However I have met many men who are quite reserved in every way. In some cases I would not have even guessed that they were looking for a partner if I did not find them on a dating site.
I even had a guy a loooong time ago who was always calling me and wanting to hang out every free moment and he would touch me on my arm when talking and we'd laugh and he'd smile on and on - So I thought that he wanted to be a couple. So I kind of asked him if he wanted to be and he was like, "no we're just friends. I just think you are so fun and cool to hang out with - you're like the sister I never had !" I was mortified and felt soooo stupid. He gave me every signal in my mind that pointed towards wanting to be my boyfriend, but I was wrong.
So those are the 2 opposite ends of the spectrum I have experienced.
What are your experiences ladies ?
And for the men, how would you show a lady that you wanted to be more than just friends if you are not the talkative or bold type ?
Being with you... Is like opening the window for the first time after a long, hard winter and letting the fresh air dance about my hair and caress my shoulders, for your company warms my heart. Being with you... Is like running through a field of endlesss beauty and stopping only to catch my breath, for you make me feel so carefree and happy. Being with you.... Is like closing my eyes and laying my head upon a satin pillow, for you fill me with dreams and peace. Being with you... Is like swimming in a light blue ocean and gliding across the calm waves, for your smile lifts me up and I find myself sinking into you.
It is impossible not to smile I am electrified by your touch, I have found solice in your eyes and the mere thought of you makes me blush. If this is all a dream, don't wake me I want to lose myself this way, begin a new chapter with you beside me and in my heart you'll always stay.
The ladies have been so good about posting lists of what a woman wants and needs in a partner, but good old Vegas Angel needs to shake it up now with the kind of guys we DON'T want.
Ladies, you know the list is limitless, so please feel free to add your input !
And men, you know there is that male friend, family member or co worker that you are embarrassed to be in the same gender as...put their dirty deeds on front street !
The kind of guys I dislike..........
A collection of turn offs and traits to avoid
1. Guys that are bald but still rocking a ponytail in the back 2. Guys with gold teeth 3. Guys that wear socks with thong sandals 4. Guys that have belly button piercings 5. Guys that were gay and now wanna go straight 6. Guys that are straight but want something stuck up they're butt 7. Guys that blow they're nose without a tissue......blow it on the street 8. Guys that have gnarly, dandruff pubic hair 9. Guys that wear pleather 10. Guys that are big or tall and squeeze themselves into a tiny sports car to look cool.....you don't.. 11. Guys that are in they're 30's still living at home with mom ( Not for care taking or medical issues ) 12. Guys that constantly sniff without a runny nose 13. Guys that collect figurines, stuffed animals or clowns ( excessively ) 14. Guys that wear a lot of jewlery....like 5 chains 15. Guys with long finger nails 16. Guys that are constantly chatting on their cell phones like 17. Guys that wear t shirts cut off to be a tank top ( Meaning their whole middle section, belly area is showing ) 18. Guys that wear that colorful, pattern hip hop clothing 19. Guys that have big bushy santa clause beards 20. Guys that have thick, unkept mustaches 21. Guys that extend they're legs out into an aisle and make you walk over them 22. Guys that wear white underwear with skid marks in them 23. Guys that want to be peed or pooped on for sexual enjoyment 24. Guys that have white clumpy deodorant in they're long underarm hair 25. Guys that use axe or tag or " musty " smells 26. Guys that brag about their " package " and then you see it and it's super small 27. Guys that have so much gel their hair is rock hard 28. Guys that plaster bangs straight down on their forehead 29. Guys that sing the high girl parts in a song 30. Guys that clip their toenails on the kitchen table
32. Guys that have red hair 33. Guys that are veiny 34. Guys that have a unibrow 35. Guys that are so cheap they seperate the 2 ply toilet paper into 2 rolls 36. Guys that have crusty, chapped lips 37. Guys that are allergic or do no like cats and dogs 38. Guys that hunt 39. Guys that torture helpless animals 40. Guys like that on jackass 41. Guys that smoke ( my preference ) 42. Guys that smoke marijuana 43. Guys the do drugs 44. Guys that like to be unemployed 45. Guys that are racists, bigots, sexist 46. Guys that are self conscious and insecure 47. Guys that don't communicate 48. Guys that are hostile, argumentative and stubborn 49. Guys that just want bj's 50. Guys that would rather play video games than spend time with their woman
I was thinking about the evolution of relationships the other day, and the following thought came to mind :
Let's travel back through the decades to the Women's Rights movement and prior.
Back in the 40's and 50's (Our Grandparent's generation) relationships were different. Most of us can say that our grandparents and great grand parents were married to that 1 person the whole time. They stuck together through good times and bad and respected the vows of matromony. I remeber when I was in elementary school I was the only kid with a divorced mom. I felt so akward, today it's commonplace. In my generation I have seen younger parents, outrageous infedility (at least back in the day when it went on it was more discreet)and more single people in their older age.
What caused such a dramatic shift ?
I was reading about 1940's and 50's life and it seemed as though for woman, back then your aspiration was to grow up and be the best wife and mother you could be. The game in life was to score an educated, successful husband that you could adore and serve. Men had a different set of rules and freedoms they could follow, but the woman was to stay home and make sure that roast was ready, table perfect and kids clean and behaved by the time he got home. Eventually time gave birth to a different generation of women who wanted more out of life. They wanted careers, they wanted their voices heard and they wanted to cut the apron strings and explore life and the endless potential outside of the homefront. In time after much struggle they did. Women could now earn their own money, fund their own material items and support themselves. Then with the sexual revolution and drug explosion of the 60's and 70's women wanted to explore sexual liberation and experience different men and thus came the birth of " casual sex ", and one of my grandma's favorite phrases - " Why buy the cow when they can get the milk for free ? ". Point taken, that could also be one reason that men are no longer in a rush to get married or stay in a committed relationship.
Men saw this and there is where I think relationships changed. I think sometimes that men then thought that we didn't need them at all. Maybe we got too strong and in exchange lost some of the benefits we had. While we were busy building up our independence the men were alienated and in turn increased their independence and the need for a woman to cook or clean or love became less of a priority. I noticed a lot of men from my generation know how to cook for themselves, sew, clean and with the intergration of pornography into mainstream life and hot to trott women, take care of their own sexual itches too. The distance between man and woman and the goal of a substantial relationship continues to fade into obscurity. I think it is easy for a woman to get sex if she went out there and looked for it. However to find a man who wants to be a dedicated husband, father and co provider is very, very difficult. Nowadays, if you do find that special man you also have to worry about him getting bored after some years or him lusting after another now that marriage is no longer a "forever" commitment.
I personally wish we could of met in the middle. I want to work, I want to be able to express my opinions and I want to feel confident in my sexuality and be expressive, however I also want to take care of my man. I want to be his support, biggest fan, cook and clean for him and make him proud of his home and me. I would want our kids to look up to him as a role model of what a strong, intelligent, spohisticated, ambitious, responsible real man is all about.
Sometimes I listen to the radio and hear these song where men refer to woman as B's and Ho's and it just seems like men don't value women as much anymore. Like, we are not taken seriously. So, after all the fighting we did to get ourselves to up the level we are today - where we even have a woman in the presidential race - I feel sometimes like we gained power, but lost respect. It is difficult to truly have one without the other.
I am looking to start a Big Beautiful Woman crew. It is time for us luscious,large and lovely ladies to shake up Vegas ! This is such a fun city and I feel like all I do is work and hang with my cats. I have no life in one of the funnest cities ever !
Let's go have some Pina Coladas, shop together, walk the strip, see some concerts and exercise together ! We can make it like old school Rat Pack Vegas...but we can be the PHAT Pack ! Yes!
The thing that baffles me is you can get over a hundred views on your blog, but only 5 comments...Why ?
I think we are all coming up with great topics and they all are very informative and interesting reads ! I personally want to hear an array of opinions and make some friends on this site, as I feel there are a lot of people here, especially that are frequent on the blogs that I have things in common with.
I mean, let's be smart and take advantage of the few free things we can do to connect with others on this site. When you're not a paying member, you are limited to what you can say in a wink or how many times you can wink. The blog page allows us to talk about what matters to us - real concerns, real feelings ! So why the aprehension ? The onlookers must have some senitment to contribute ?
Why are we being window shopped ? Is our merchandise not attractive enough for folks to want to come in and try it on ?
