Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming... Damn, What a ride!!
For the last departmental picnic, management had decided that due to liability issues, we could have alcohol... but only one (1) drink for each person... I was fired for ordering the cups!!!
(make sure you read the first response to this blog!!)
to whom it mae cunsern,
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper. I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.
I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,
I can s tart emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
BRYAN nikname Beefy
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.
When you communicate electronically, all you see is a computer screen. You don't have the opportunity to use facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice to communicate your meaning; words -- lonely written words -- are all you've got. And that goes for your correspondent as well. That being said, we realize the difficulties of communicating effectively online can present... So, below I have compiled a list for those of us who can do better by EFFECTIVELY communicating our intents / emotions / real meaning. If you are joking, use acronyms such as LOL or LMAO or LMBFAO. Hell, even a j/k works wonders. ALL CAPS IS CONSIDERED YELLING! Though caps to EMPHASIZE a word for inflection is appropriate and clearer. In the LF blogland and forum sections, one can place bold brackets around words to better emphasize their inflection by placing a [ b ] at the beginning of a word and a [ /b ] (no spaces) at the end of the word. Try it, it works. Important fact to remember: Although flames often get out of hand, they have a purpose in the ecology of cyberspace. Many flames are aimed at teaching someone something (usually in overstated language) or stopping them from doing something (like offending other people). Flame messages often use more brute force than is strictly necessary, but that's half of the fun.
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Yes, this is Vegas' idea. I waited, hopeful, but she hasn't posted yet, so I am stealing the blog topic.
Here, we, go.
1. Women who are NOT 18 dressing like they ARE. 2. Women who wear high (3"+) ho-stompers with shorts, or even worse, bluejeans. 3. Women who look at another women and regard her beauty with jealousy instead of appreciation. 4. Women who get "french manicures" on their toenails. 5. "Prissy" women in general. 6. Women who wear high-heeled flip flops, anytime. 7. Women who wear their jeans so low on thier hips you can see their thongs. (I once hung a pair of my neices' thongs up on a picture in the hallway in broad view of everyone, thinking to teach her a lesson.. it was a week before she discovered them, and it didn't work.. but it WAS funny as hell!) 8. Women Sales Reps that know nothing of the product they are selling, being pimped out by "the man" to get his foot in the door. 9. Women who abuse and take advantage of their generally "good" men. (The B*tch always gets the best, I often ask my sister if her p*##y is lined in gold). 10. Women who can't put oil or fuel in their own cars. 11. Women who fret over breaking a fingernail.
So, now that I have probably offended most everyone, lol, feel free to add to this list as you care to. I know I may be done tonight, but there's always tomorrow! lol
Reposting because LF wanted to screw with the way blogs are viewed now. Hope you guys are still around!!
Blue, Nat (Aimee?), True, Jiggle, LadyHawk (Jersey? lol), ND, Mel, Kewanna, Wylde, tom, butter, loungeness, stacey, Lonely (Legal? lmao) and last but never least, Ms. Honey. Thank you for all your prayers, they were surely heard.
Mom just had her last chemo treatment last Wed. and she is doing phenominal! She got through her treatments with very little side effects and her hair is even coming back brown :-)
We have a great support system here when anyone needs a prayer, a thoughtful insight or just a good listener. You guys are all awesome, thank you.
... wait, you wont see this til tuesday! Oh well. lol here it is anyway.
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight started....
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too' And then the fight started.....
My boyfriend and I were sitting at a table at his high school reunion, and I noticed that he kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. I asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' he sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' I said, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' .... And then the fight started.....
I rear-ended a car this morning . So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started.....
So mom's got the big bad "C"... she had a rectal bleed a couple of weeks ago that sent her to the hospital for a nice 4 day stay and a couple of blood transfusions. The colonoscopy did not give us good news and since then it's been a wild roller-coaster of ups and downs.. good news then the bad.
She had surgery to remove the tumor and half of her lower intestine last Friday - along with some lymph-nodes and some of her abdominal wall because "it" had diseased that area as well. They got it all - great! ... what they can see of it anyway. So she's on the road to recovery when off to ICU she goes last night where they discover that her blood-oxygen level was 50 because of 5 nasty little blood clots in her right lung... that took about 12 hours to diagnose and 2 years off my own life with the family "dynamic" (sisters, we just love fighting with eachother).
I'm at work this morning and my sister calls to tell me that the doctor wants all family members together for a pow-wow asap up in ICU. WELL! ... there went another 2 years of my life. But it turned out to be good news - after they left us to sit and wonder about why he wanted all of us there together. I am SURE you can imagine THOSE conversations! I digress. So pathology came back today and along with 75 percent of the mass, 5 of the lymph-nodes were cancerous, they removed 19... so I like those odds. She'll need chemo though, and wants me to cut off all her hair to donate before she starts treatments.
I know that I have friends here.. and I know that ya'll would have been praying if you had known.. all I ask is that you pray (to whomever you do) for no more bad news. For a little while anyway.
Ok, so my man and I were having a discussion last night that I wanted to talk to "the girls" about. It's going to get kinda graphic so please don't read any further if you are virginal.
Ok, now that almost everyone is reading this lmao here's the question:
When receiving cunnilingus, do you like constant stimulation of the clitoris? Like, when about to achieve the "O", is it attack at all cost with no stops to the little ball of nerves? I ask because I am not this way, I prefer no direct contact to that area - and it's much easier for me to climax with just slight clitoral stimulation here and there. An all-out affront really just annoys me. Am I really so different than other women?
Once upon a time I was bar-hopping with my friend Dan, one thing led to another and we ended up at one of Charlotte's more exclusive gentleman's clubs. Not counting the nude strippers and barely-clad waitresses, I was the only woman in the room. It didn't take long to figure out that although sex was the commodity, the trade was in money and, mostly, feminine power. Every male in the place - including my pal Dan, checked his intelligence with his coat - at the door.
As I sat front and center watching the strippers make slack-jawed, slobbering, walking hard-on's out of these men - I was flirting with Dan and the other bar-mates and I realized that although fully clothed, I had my own particularly enjoyable hold within my group.
Now Betterman decides to give us answers to questions that have been evaded for years by the male lapdance fanclub and what was once only an unattainable fantasy is now a harsh reality?? Women are turning into chauvenistic pigs in the name of feminism and strippers are my competition???
Mix real, live, available woman with fantasy prototypes in a sex club and I suspect we've reached a point where the line of demarcation between the two is no longer discernable. Now it seems imperative to learn to dangle upside-down on a pole (in thigh highs for better grip).
And since when is it sensible for any person of any gender to succumb to a sexual free-for-all lifestyle?
With so many women/girls emulating strippers, pressure is once again on the rise for those of us who are less than 'perky' to produce a product that should be KEPT a FANTASY.
Heaven help me, I'm raising two girls alone. *shudder*
Sorry, but if this reaction is what you call envy then I can no longer portray myself as an un-jealous, accepting woman.
Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine. B*tch.
It seems that over in Europe a man can be compensated a measly $4,100 for damages caused by a hospital 'killing' the top of his head (which was removed and kept in a faulty refridgerator while having brain surgery) while an OBGYN has been ordered to pay child support to a woman for a child he had no part in conceiving! Apparently the OBGYN was to have placed an IUD in the woman and shortly thereafter she became pregnant BY HER HUSBAND. The husband left the wife and she sued the doctor. A judge granted her child support payments until the child reaches 18. Apparently the hubby got off, pun intended.
Not being able to post a blog immediatly SUCKS. Not being able to email friends SUCKS... so what do I do? I submit my credit card for another love-hate relationship with LF. lol.
Preston Wilson (C) celebrates with "Freight Train" (L) and "Elbow" (R) 07 July, after winning the Bobbin' for Pig's Feet competition at the 2007 Redneck Games in East Dublin, Georgia. The day-long yearly festival celebrates the southern "redneck" way of life.(AFP/Robert Sullivan)
I noticed that CNN was running a new scare graphic of fat in the US, linked via digg. And of course there's Dr. Gupta making a guest appearance.
There's one thing that this map, and every map charting the BMI changes, doesn't mention: the US government's redefinition of what it means to be "obese". It happened in 1998. According to the NIH a HEALTHY or NORMAL BMI IS BETWEEN 19 AND 25. ... THATS 19 AND 25!! Ok, a supermodels BMI is generally at 18! That puts a hopeful "typical" BMI at five pounds more than your average emaciated, anorexic model. Here's a snippit from THAT CNN article:
" Under the proposed guidelines, which are to be announced later this month by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), 25 million more Americans would be considered overweight -- including two baseball third-basemen: Chipper Jones of the Atlanta Braves and Cal Ripken Jr. of the Baltimore Orioles.
Stern and other critics worry that if the draft guidelines are adopted, doctors might prescribe diet pills for patients considered overweight -- when a little exercise might be all that's needed. "
Ya know, it's a good thing we don't need prescriptions to poop our pants (thanks to Alli, of course). Problem solved!
On the BMI scale, a woman 5 feet, 6 inches tall who weighs 160 pounds would have an index of 26, which is considered overweight. At 185 pounds, she would have an index of 30 and would be considered obese.
